2004-11-08: 8:24 p.m.
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So today I�ve been rather quiet and thoughtful. I received a text from Oracle that said � I will come around, old trees grow slowly and they heal even slower�...I suppose that the only person that would understand all that is me. And I guess that sort of hurt a bit but at the same time I can completely understand. I sent him a message bac that said �I will try to be patient, but that is a virtue I have always sucked at� and of course I added a smiley face. There was no response to this..so hours later I sent a message saying �would you feel more comfortable if I back off?�
To this there was still no response...so hours and hours later I sent my last and final message �I understand, call me when your ready� To me this was as �goodbye� as im gonna get. I�m truly an extremist...and this is evident in so many aspects of my life. And here is yet another one...so I will refrain from calling or texting him ever again until he contacts me...even then I may make his wait a day or two before he gets a response...shutting me out is quite possibly the worst mistake you could ever make...I will go from friend to enemy in 2.2 seconds...and it�s a very radical change. This is one of the little portions of myself that hides in the corners until its coaxed out, and sadly it doesn�t take much. I despise being ignored. And right now he is ignoring my efforts to help him through a bad time because right now im sounding a little bit too logical for him. Well fuck that and fuck him for turning me away. How often do I really give a shit and actually exercise it? It�s not often but when I do, goddamn it take the bait and just let me help.
But sadly I know that he is one of the few people that I could turn my back on and he wouldnt chase me. He�d let me walk away and never look back. And that kinda sucks.
I�m terribly dehydrated today, all I�ve put in me is coffee...hmm...not so good...so I�m suckin� down gatorade like it�s going out of style. I think I could use some serious electrolytes.
We got my tire fixed today...I think thats truly the only accomplishment of the day. We got up late and did some laundry as well as some dishes but other then that..a whole lotta nuthin� but thats ok I like doing nothing.
snapped?...yes i think i did (pardon the brain train off track) - 2004-11-22
An Untitled Poem - 2004-11-14
a Movie Review... - 2004-11-11
a lovely start to a crappy day - 2004-11-09
- - 2004-11-08
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